Talk n Listen
Struggling marriages!
Charisse Swart
How to save a struggling marriage
When you got married I bet you didn’t imagine that you would be going through a hard time in your marriage. It is hard to think of how bad things can get when you are happy and emotions are running high.
When you are in the middle of a struggling marriage it is difficult to see the light of how to get out of the troubles. It is possible to get back to a good marriage.
Let us explore a few points on practical steps that you can take to help reverse your struggling marriage.
1. Identifying The Signs:
First of all, before we label a marriage as either good or bad let us see some of the signs.
Lack of communication
There is a lack of communication. Communication is the cornerstone of any relationship. Without it, the walls of a relationship come tumbling down.
Constant arguing
Because of the lack of communication, there is consistent arguing. Many times these arguments are about small mundane things. You are arguing for you do not feel that your partner is hearing you.
Feeling disconnected
The arguing leads to feelings of being disconnected. The unity that you once shared is no longer present. The unity that you share in a marriage is what sets it apart from other relationships.
Emotional distancing
Finally, there is emotionally distancing yourself from your partner. The information that you share with them is shallow, only the highlights of what needs to be said. In addition, you don’t care all that much about the feelings of your partner so you say whatever you want. You might be sharing your feelings but at the expense of hurting your partner.
2. Open Communication:
Being able to have open and honest communication with your partner is something that I view as a privilege. You trust your partner enough that you are willing to open your heart towards them. When you can respectfully express your feelings and concerns then you know that you are on the right path. Especially when your partner also listens to what you have to say and takes it to heart; they listen to what you. It is imperative to be respectful.
3. Seek Professional Help:
Seeking help is a sign of strength. This can be in the form of a marriage counselor, please do your research for a good counselor. I know of people who have gone to a counselor and his agenda is to break couples up. I am pro-marriage, and I am sharing with you my own experiences.
Many courses and tools can assist you in your marriage. They can help you identify the real issues and can help improve your communication with each other.
4. Quality Time:
Spending quality time together reconnects you and strengthens your bond. You might be staying in the same house, sharing a bed, but think how much time are you intentionally spending together? When last did you go on a date night? Take the time to go on a date. Now that you are married you need to keep on dating your partner; do not lose it. Organize a weekend away, without the kids, just the two of you. Quality time can be as simple as enjoying each other's company. My husband and I spend between half an hour to an hour each morning with each other drinking coffee before work. It requires us to stand up a little earlier, it is worth it. Find what works for you.
(Pro-tip distance yourself from technology when being intentional.)
5. Address Resentment and Forgiveness:
Unresolved resentment is like a bitter root growing a wedge between you and your partner. Many times you are carrying around this resentment without your partner even knowing about it; they are oblivious that you have a grudge against them.
To forgive your partner is vital, if you do not know how I suggest that you learn. You cannot expect your partner to forgive you if you do not also show them the same courtesy. Let go of the grudges, it isn't doing you or your relationship any good. Your aim should be to rebuild your marriage to be even better than it was before.
Don’t project past hurts onto current situations.
6. Prioritize Intimacy:
Both physical and emotional intimacy strengthens the bond between a couple. Both are needed. Have you noticed that after you have been physically intimate with your partner, you seem to have more patience and show more love toward them? Sexual connection reignites the spark and you do a little more effect. For a woman, intimacy begins in the morning, woe her. For men, they like to hear that they are needed, to be their biggest cheerleaders.
In the same way, initiating and showing affection will help your partner to reciprocate affection to you.
7. Set Realistic Expectations:
To save your marriage is going to take effort from both of you. You are going to have to be committed to put in the work. Discuss with each other what you want from each other and what you want out of your marriage. Work together to achieve these goals.
8. Focus On Self-Improvement:
Work to give the best version of yourself to your partner. Personal growth can overflow into other areas of your life. I am sure you have heard that there are different areas of your life, finances, personal, physical, emotional, mental, etc. When you improve one of these all the other areas of your life will follow suit. So, self-improvement will have a positive effect on your relationship.
9. Practice Patience and persistence:
The triple P factor. Saving a troubled marriage is going to take time, patience, and persistence. Whether you think so or not your marriage didn't get into trouble overnight, it took time too. The trouble slowly seeped into your relationship and you let it. I don’t think that you thought that it would cause the trouble that you now have, but it has. Now, you have to commit to reverse the damage done. Be persistent and work at saving your marriage daily.
10. Reinforce Love and Appreciation:
Show each other that you love them regularly. Acknowledge the effort that they are putting into the marriage. The smallest acknowledgment, of the smallest thing, can be an amazing boost to inspire bigger things. It is a snowball effect that takes place.
Besides, this is your spouse, show them that you care for them and appreciate all that they do for your family.
Fostering gratitude, as a couple, builds the connection to strengthen your relationship.
A marriage is a sacred covenant that has been made between two people. It is not simply a contract. Take the actions that are needed to save your marriage if you see that there are some signs of trouble in your marriage please do yourself a favor and implement some, if not all, of the tips that I suggest in this article.
Hi, I am Charisse Swart
Greetings, lovely readers! I am delighted to connect with you through the shared spaces of our digital world. As a dedicated homemaker, my days are woven with the threads of familial love, nurturing, and the subtle art of creating a haven within the walls of our humble abode.
While I occasionally attempt to don the cloak of logic, my dear husband often lovingly nudges me back to the realm of my true nature - that of a relational soul. You see, I possess a heart that thrives on connections, cherishing the intricate tapestry of relationships that grace our lives.
My journey is fueled by an unwavering passion for fostering flourishing bonds between people. There's an innate joy that blooms within me when I witness the beauty of heartfelt connections, the kind that endure the tests of time and adversity.
Yet, amidst the beauty, there exists a poignant ache within me when I see marriages falter, falling short of their boundless potential. It is this very longing for the realization of every relationship's full splendor that propels me forward, seeking understanding, insight, and perhaps, a touch of wisdom to share along the way.
Thank you for joining me on this adventure. May our shared exploration illuminate the path toward deeper understanding, compassion, and the boundless possibilities that lie within the embrace of genuine relationships.
