Communicating with your spouse can be made a lot more effective if you incorporate a few simple skills. When we implement these communication skills we will not only be improving our communication but also our marriages. These skills are essential to building and maintaining a healthy relationship. No couple can grow closer to each other without good communication. We all want to have a happy and thieving marriage. This does not just come about, we have to work on our marriages daily. You have already taken the first step by searching for this information.

When you have a conversation with your spouse pay close attention to what they are saying. Be actively involved by making eye contact, nodding and verbal cues like, ‘I hear you’ or ‘I see’. These all let your partner know that you are listening to what they have to say. Being an active is more listener than being in the room it is about being present; not just hearing the word but listening to what is being said. Marriage is the cornerstone of society and we should treat it with the respect that it deserves.

Be honest about how you feel. Share your thoughts, feelings, concerns and dreams openly without holding back. We cannot expect to build healthy communication with our spouses if we are keeping back our true feelings. This should be a safe space that you can express your heart to one another. Holding back how you truly feel is a recipe from disaster. There will come a time where you cannot pretend anymore and all the feelings come bursting out. I feel sorry for whoever is in the firing line at that time.

Being respectful with how we speak to our spouses is just as important. You just read about honesty, which is important, but without doing it in a respectful manner it can be hurtful. We what to treat our partners with kindness even during an argument. Words can cut like a knife and have lingering effects even after we have forgiven each other. If you don’t know how to respond respectfully in that moment it might be wise to pause and revisit the conversation once the emotions have calmed down.

Similarly, stay away from blaming your partner. Blaming, criticizing, and person attacks through name calling do not show honor or respect to your partner. When you want to express your feeling go about doing so with statement like ‘I feel frustrated when…’ rather than, ‘You frustrate me…’ a small change in the way we fraise what we say can be the difference between accusation or sharing feelings.

Always try and understand a situation from you partners point of view. What are their feeling and perspective surrounding this issue, you do not have to agree with them. Showing them that you are taking the time to understand what they are saying shows empathy towards them. Empathy is a way to build trust and validate that their feelings matter to you. In this way a true connection is form between the two of you. We all want to be acknowledged, I know I do, and know that our emotions and experiences are valid and valued by the one that we love.

When we are problem solving it is good to keep in mind that we are a team. We are working towards a common goal. We are going in the same direction and if we work together we will get there faster.

I once hear a story of an experiment were horses pulled a sleigh. As the horse was pulling the sleigh more and more weight was added. At certain point the horse stopped. The horse could only pull 100kg alone. Then the experiment was done with two horses. How many kgs do you think they would be able to pull? Double? I thought 300kg, but no, they pulled an astonishing 1000kg together. When we have conversations with each other we should remember that we are on the same team. It isn’t about ‘winning’ an argument, but resolving an issue.

With the hustle and bustle of life we can easily live past each other. After a long day at work it is nice to chill. If we do not make time to get together we can miss each other. Schedule in time to have regular talks with your spouse. This can be about your relationship, family, dreams, finances or whatever important topic is on your heart at that moment. Don’t let time slip away and you realize that months have gone by and you don’t even know what is going on in your loved one life and heart. These times could be designated appointments or simply during a walk or at a meal.

Relationships are a balance of give and take. You have to be willing to make some compromises for the sake of your marriage. You are never going to agree on everything, sometimes we have to give certain things up or at the very least find a middle ground. Having different opinions is normal, you didn’t marry a clone or yourself. The important thing is to choose each other over our differing opinions.

It is normal that at times emotions can run high and your discussions become a little heated. This is where you have to practice your patience and not let your emotions take over. Try and remain calm and keep your ears open to listen actively. If this becomes too much take a break to cool down and continue the conversation at a later stage. I must admit I like sorting out an issue right away without a break but my husband on the other hand needs the breaks. I have learned that the breaks are good so that things aren’t said that could rather have stayed.

We also have to show patients to our partners when they are speaking. Everyone has a different style of communicating. Some have all the information already processed in their minds while others have to verbalize their thought to sort through them. In these situations we have to have patience with each other in each of these unique manners.

As humans we all want to be acknowledged. If we can get that from the person, we love how much better. This is a two-way street; we must show appreciation to our spouses too. I have found that I respond better to my husband when he expresses gratitude towards me. I am less irritated and can overlook ‘offences.’ It doesn’t matter if it is for something big or small, we should make it a habit to give praise where it is due. This is a great way to remind them that they are valued and that you appreciate what they do and who they are. We don’t what to take them for granted and form a mentality that we expect certain things from them. Everything that they do and even who they are not supposed to be expected but rather appreciated. Many arguments can be avoided if we don’t just expect something from our partners.

When your partner is speaking try and pay attention to their body language. 90% of what we say is nonverbal. These nonverbal cues can help you know how and what your partner is saying. Sometimes what we don’t say is more important than what we do say.

There are times when I am frustrated, I tend to have a passive aggressive streak in me. I will be quiet and try and go on normally, without much success. My husband can pick up that I am not myself and ask. I will tell him that there is nothing wrong. My words say one thing but my actions something else. He doesn’t believe my words; he trusts my actions more.

Through affection gestures such as giving a hug or a kiss or the holding for hand we show love and appreciation. The opposite is true when we cross our arms, shake our heads and give disapproving looks; this is a sign anger and frustration.

Never assume that you know what your spouse in thinking and feeling. They are their own person and have past experiences that lead them to a certain way of processing things. Before you jump to conclusions ask questions to clarify and seek a deeper understanding of what they are saying. They might have a different perspective of the situation then what you thought of. This doesn’t make either of you wrong or right, it is just a different viewpoint.

Choose to trust that your partner won’t purposely want to hurt you. You love each other and want the best for each other so why will you go out of your way to stab one other? In certain situations, it feels like they have intentionally done just that. Often it is that they didn’t think what they were saying or doing. In that moment they didn’t think how it would make you feel. When we jump to conclusions in that moment and not choose to trust, we are actually saying that we don’t trust them. We should choose to trust first, find out all the information and from there we can make our assessment.

Furthermore, create an environment of trust and support. Coming home, being with your partner should be your safe haven, a place where you can be yourself. Fostering such a space will strengthen the bond between the two of you. This environment is created through communication in a space where judgment and criticism are left at the door. Both of you should feel comfortable to express your feelings and thought openly.

If you cannot seem to find a way with the tools that you have, it might be a good idea to get help. This can be through going to a professional, a therapist or a counselor. Many times, there are counselors at your local churche.

There are also courses that you can get and work through on your own at home and even books that can help guide you in the right direction. These tools can help you resolve conflicts and get both of you on the same page again where you are excited about your marriage.

Inconclusion, it is important to remember that healthy communication takes time to set in place. Once you have gotten there it is important that you keep working at it. Communication isn’t like riding a bike, you can lose the skill if you do not practice. The main goal is to build a strong relationship that no torrent of life can destroy. We want to enhance the overall quality of your relationship. Through the implementation of these skills, you can achieve this. You and your partner can be at a good place again or a stronger place that you are now.