I wonder how many relationships have ended because one or both parties did not know how to apologize. Apologizing takes a certain level of skill and maturity to master, it could save your relationship.

I think in my own life I know of a couple of instances where relationships are broken cause of the lack of responsibility. This can be romantic relationships, friendships, and families. Why aren’t we taught these vital skills? If you, as an adult, don’t take up the responsibility to learn the skills to apologize effectively you might be stuck in the trap forever.

To apologize will mean that we admit that we have done something wrong. In our eyes, we always want to see ourselves as being good or having the right intentions. Unless you are a narcissist you might not have the right intentions, they will only be for your own selfish interests.

Apologizing requires us to humble ourselves, we become less for an instant and put the other person first. It is really simple, but it isn’t easy. You are going to have to swallow your pride and do it. We live in a world where we are programmed to self-preserve. For a relationship to work, you should deny yourself and your comfort for your partner.

To apologize mends broken bonds. What is separated by the wrongs done towards us can be fixed through apologizing. Your self-righteousness won’t repair the broken in your relationship. When you apologize sincerely you can gain the trust of your partner again. Trust is a fragile thing and leaving wrongs will easily break trust. I don’t think you want distrust in your relationship any more than you want unfaithfulness.

To sincerely apologize you should show empathy and sense your partner's feelings. You also have to be remorseful, really be sorry for what you did, as well as learn from your mistakes. In other words, you have to really feel sorry for what you did and want to change your behavior so that you do not make the same mistakes in the future.

A sincere apology isn’t one that you give to make the situation go away, you have to believe that you did do something wrong.

The actions we take are of our own accord. For the most part, we are not coerced into doing anything, the work that your boss tells you to do is not forced. You do the work because you want the salary. What we do, good or bad, is our responsibility. You can’t blame your spouse for your actions, “You made me so mad that is why I called you…” “You are always nagging me so I forget what I have to do…” This is blaming, you aren’t taking any responsibility for your actions. Nobody can make you say something and do something or forget something, I am sorry to inform you that it is on you.

For most people, they avoid apologizing because they don’t like the confrontation. They probably avoid any confrontational situations. They think if they ignore it the problem will go away. The problem is still there it is only covered up with all the other undealt issues. As uncomfortable as it is, you need to ‘grow a pair’ and handle the situation. I am naturally an avoider, but I cannot have my relationship suffer because I don’t want to deal with it. I made the decision, my marriage is more important than being uncomfortable for a bit.

We are speaking about apologizing yet I think it is worth mentioning that not everything deserves an apology. If you have an opinion about something and your partner doesn’t agree, you do not have to apologize for how you feel. Your opinions and feelings are valid and deserve a place in the world, even if they go against the grain.

Apologize sincerely, take responsibility, and make AMENDS. It does not help you go through all the effort of apologizing but you do not make amends. Forgive each other for your grievances, both of you! Work on building trust between you again.

And learn from your mistakes. We cannot guarantee we won’t make the same mistakes again, but if we put in the effort and really try to learn from our mistakes it is easier to forgive one another.