Marriage is a huge life step. You have to know what you are stepping into before taking the plunge. Don’t get me wrong, marriage is a blessing! I wish for everyone to experience the joy of marriage. BUT, if you are married to the wrong person, marriage is going to feel like the worst thing ever. I want you to make the right decision when it comes to marriage, the timing, the person and your personal convictions. It is a commitment that should be life long. If you get married and in the back of your head you have the idea that you can bail with divorce, don’t get married.

Are you emotionally mature enough to deal with all that comes along with marriage. I am not talking age here, but maturity. Marriage comes with responsibilities that you have to deal with; what is for dinner? How are we going to pay the bills? The car is broken and needs to be fixed. Now you cannot run to your parents for help the entire time you have to learn to deal with it all yourself.

When things get difficult between the two of you can you have a mature conversation and work out your differences? How do you handle conflict (more about that later)?

Now you also have to think about it from your partner's point of view. Maybe you are mature enough and can handle all these situations, but can your partner?

Why is it you want to get married? Do you really, I mean REALLY, understand what it means to be married? If your idea of marriage comes from Disney or any other movie for that matter you have the wrong perception. Marriage is a lifelong commitment to that person, in good and bad times. When you are married the idealistic fantasy quickly goes away.

Consider whether you and your partner share similar values, life goals, and visions for the future. This might seem trivial for you are individuals and can make your own decisions. Yes, that is true, but if one of you has the idea of travelling the world and the other likes to stay home there is going to be friction. Or if one wants children and the other not; resentment is going to grow between the two of you.

Marriage involves merging two lives, so it's important to ensure compatibility in major areas such as career aspirations, family planning, and lifestyle choices. You are still going to have certain areas of your life where you can do your own thing and have your own aspirations. Make sure that the big things in life align and then go from there.

The values that each of you have, do they align or are you always going to be in a tug-of-war with each other?

Have a good look at your financial situation and discuss this with your partner. If you don’t feel comfortable sharing this information with your partner, rethink why you are getting married. You are entrusting your life to this person when you are getting married, so why wouldn’t you trust them with your finances? You can discuss your expectations when it comes to money once you are married. Are both of you going to work or is it only going to be one of you? Set up a budget and see if you can afford all that you want. Discussing what the responsibilities of each of you will be before you get married will avoid conflict in this area in the long term.

Marriage requires that you are emotionally resilient and can support each other in the trials life throws at you. When your partner is down are you emotionally strong enough to carry both of you emotionally for a time? Will your partner be able to support you? That is what marriage is, it is supporting each other in trying times.

When challenges come your way you will need to be able to navigate these as a team.

Take a long honest look at your communication. Can you have open, honest discussions about sensitive topics without losing your cool? It is imperative that you can have a conversation about deep topics; both speaking about them and listening to your partner empathetically. Communication, correct communication, is one of the most important skills that you can bring into a marriage, it is a gift that you give your partner.

You might be at a place now that you and your partner have no differences and that is a good thing. The real challenge is when you have differences to resolve. I do not advocate for fighting, I feel you can resolve your conflict situations without fighting. If you have the correct communication skills you can speak to your partner about sensitive topics without fighting.

You have to be willing to compromise on certain things for the sake of your marriage.

Resolving conflict involves being fair, having no personal attacks, and showing empathy towards each other.

Consider the level of commitment you are willing to make to your partner. Are you willing to compromise your interest and put your relationship above? Marriage is a lifelong commitment to each other, where you put your partner’s happiness, growth, and well-being above your own.

Are both of you ready to be fully devoted to each other from now till death?

Have a look at your support system. Are you surrounded by people, friends, family, community, and other connections that will support you in your journey as a married couple? Both of you need a support structure that can lend guidance and encouragement in times when you need it.

In the dating world, a person is always looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right instead of working on becoming the ‘right’ person for the other. Are you willing to learn, grow, and evolve both individually and as a couple? There is a thing that will challenge your insecurities about being married. You will have to learn to deal with these and grow personally to overcome them.

Marriage won’t make your partner a better person. If you think you can change them by doing so you are incorrect. You both have to put in the effort to work on yourselves so you can be better for each other.

Take an honest look at your individual character and behavior patterns. Do you have issues like anger management, substance abuse, infidelity, etc. that need to be resolved first?

Marriage comes with its own set of legal contracts you have to consider. How do you want to get married? In community of property or out of community of property. (Find out what your country offers and call the different contracts.) Are you going to sign a prenuptial agreement? And if so why? I find that it is a good thing but you have to make these decisions yourself. See a lawyer and find out the pros and cons of each and what your rights are when it comes to it.

Assess your compatibility with your partner. Do you share similar core values, life goals, and perspectives on important issues like finances, parenting, spirituality, etc.? Are there areas where you can compromise that both of you are happy with? Or are the differences just too great? Rather find out that you are not compatible before you are married than after and you are stuck in a miserable marriage.

I suggest that you go for premarital counseling for anyone who is in a serious relationship. We did it before I got married and the value that we got from it was immense. Many churches have a premarital course that they offer, and therapists or counselors also have something in that line.

Other tools provide questions to ask that can help you get started.

I know of people who were engaged and after the premarital, they realized that they were not a match and they broke off their engagement. This is extreme but rather know before than realise afterwards that you have married the wrong person.

Getting married should not be taken lightly. Assess if you and your partner are mature enough to be in a lifelong commitment and if you have the same values and life goals that you can work together towards. The key is to enter a marriage with your eyes fully open and ready to commit to that one person. Look at yourself and ask if you are willing to change to be the best for your partner.