Intro:

Building trust takes time and actions to solidify. Learn what you can do to create trust in your relationship. You cannot expect your partner to trust you if you have never done anything deserving of their trust. If you do not keep your word or keep telling little lies, it will be hard to trust you. I have an Aunt that likes to spin the truth. Our family never knows when she is telling the truth or lying. What happens is we never trust anything she says. She is delightful and has a good heart, but there is a limit to how close we allow ourselves to get to her because of this.

Here are a few practical things you can do to foster trust in your relationship so that you can grow closer.

As humans, we try to self-preserve just so we don’t get hurt. Does this help? Not really, we still get hurt all the time.

Here is a thought. What if, starting only with your partner, you started being vulnerable? Communicate your insecurities and your deepest dreams. Would that not open you up to grow closer to your partner? And in turn, give your partner the freedom to open themselves up to you.

Self-preservation keeps us from truly being ourselves. Is that not living a lie? In my experience, people judge no matter what so why try and present yourself as something other than you are? Give yourself the freedom to be yourself, especially in front of your partner.

As you saw with the story in the intro about my aunt telling lies, lies can break trust. If lies break trust then the opposite is true and honesty will build trust.

If you are like me you don’t want to hurt anyone's feelings this is why most people lie. And they don’t want to be seen in a bad light. Either way, others are weary of you and what they say to you is always carefully chosen.

When you are honest with your partner they know they can always trust what you say. If you ask your husband what he thinks about a dress you have on and he tells you it doesn’t suit you, you can trust him (you won't necessarily be happy with him). But say you are pregnant and feeling bloated and uncomfortable and he tells you you look beautiful, you can trust him then too. He isn’t telling you what you want to hear, he tells you the truth.

It is easier to trust your life in your partner's hand when they are honest, even when it isn’t easy, rather than someone who says what you want to hear.

Commit to the commitments that you made no matter how big or small. Small commitments are easy to break, but, they make it easier to break bigger commitments.

If you have committed to coming home straight after work, do it. Yes, it is easy to quickly stop and be 5 minutes late for dinner, but for the person at home, their trust was broken. If you set a budget with your partner, keep to it, no matter how nice the pair of shoes are.

You committed your partner when you entered into a relationship with them. And if you are married you made the biggest commitment of them all. Remember if you can break small commitments you can break big commitments and you do NOT want to enter into breaking the marriage covenant through infidelity.

Keep faithful, keep true, and honour your partner by keeping your word.

When I say intimacy I am not only talking about sexual intimacy but also emotional connections. Cuddling for 10 minutes a day can create intimacy, giving each other a long hug (longer than 20 seconds) can release chemicals that create intimacy. Intimacy can start with feelings of being heard and understood. Yes, intimacy in the bedroom is important in a relationship, taking it that you are married, if you feel disconnected outside the bedroom you might not feel like being intimate inside the bedroom.

But how does this build trust? When you are physically close to your partner your body releases the hormone oxytocin, the 'happy hormone' or 'bonding hormone.' Strong bonds create space for building trust.

So, cuddle in the morning before you have to get up, kiss for 6 seconds, greet each other with a long hug after work, and set time apart for some sexy time.

If you have trouble trusting your partner because they have not done anything you show you that you can trust them, ask them for their help. We all have heard that actions speak louder than words. So let their actions speak. Ask them to do tasks that will illustrate you can trust them. After this, it will be easier to trust them with bigger things and hopefully with your whole heart.

When you have given yourself in marriage you have to give your heart too. If you have not yet married, but are considering it but aren’t willing to trust your partner with all your heart, please reconsider marriage at this time.

When you make time for a date night you show your partner that you are invested in the relationship, value spending time with them, and are willing to sacrifice to be with them. A date night indicates that you choose them over something else.

“Date nights” can take different forms. It could be going out for coffee or an ice cream, taking a hike, or going for a walk in the neighborhood. A “date night” can be anything you do where you intentionally spend time with each other, just the two of you.

Do things that work for you as a couple, make it fun. Be the happy couple that other couples are envious of.

In December my husband and I went on vacation to an area of the country we aren’t familiar with. We did things we hadn’t before, or at least not with each other. I was the navigator, he had to trust me with going the right way. Neither of us knew if we were going the right way or not, but we had to trust each other.

Doing new things together, traveling or renovating the house, or trying a new restaurant, and reading a book together, makes you rely on each other and not on the know. The only thing you know is your partner.

Trust can set you up for a great relationship, but the opposite is also true if there is no trust. Work on doing trust-building exercises to strengthen your relationship. True trust, the trust you can count on, is earned not given.