Different cultures express love in different ways. For example, in Japan, physical touch is unwelcome between the opposite sex. There they will go and do activities like bowling, going to movies, or going to a coffee shop.

I grew up in a culture where it is acceptable to show physical affection. When we greet people, even if we don’t know them you would hug them, and if it is a relative you would give them a peck kiss.

In the West, it is common that you marry for love, or at least what culture classifies as love. Yet in the East, arranged marriages are more common. Modern culture has changed this to some degree. A study showed that arranged marriages had a greater success rate than marrying for love. I find this interesting.

If you are a Christian I am sure you have heard 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter. Even if you are not, you have likely heard it. It is often quoted at weddings and for good reason. Within the chapter, we read the characteristics of love:

-Love is patient

-Love is kind

-Love trusts

-Love bears all things

-Love believes

-Love has hope

-Love endures all things

-I like to add a few more that are not mentioned directly:

-Love is respectful

-Love shows empathy

-Love communicates

-And love supports.

I think it is also necessary that we explore what love is not. Love is not envious or rude, arrogant or self-seeking, irritable, or resentful.

Most importantly, real love never ends. If I look at my life and the characteristics of what love is not, then I am ashamed that I display these from time to time. I am not always the most patient person towards my husband. I get irritated. We can try and soften the blow and say that we are only human, and yes we are. But the truth is we should strive to always show love towards others, especially our spouses.

The characteristics of romantic love are passion, intimacy, and commitment between partners. There is a deep emotional and physical attraction and it often is accompanied by intense feelings, especially in the beginning of a relationship. The emotional bond can vary from infatuation to a mature and enduring love.

This type of love is shared between family members. Mostly, it is unconditional and enduring. Familial love provides a sense of belonging and security. The bond between a family unit is rooted in shared experiences.

Platonic love is a deep love in a non-sexual manner. There is a strong emotional connection with mutual respect. This bond is often built from shared values, interests, and experiences. Is it the kind of love that friends share.

The way love is experienced and shown differs from person to person. There are 5 different love languages namely:

-Words of affirmation.

-Physical touch.

-Acts of service.

-Gifts.

-Quality time.

You do not only have one. You can have varying levels of each of these. Also, the way you show love might not be the same as how you receive love. When you are in a relationship it is important to try and speak your partner’s love language to them. This way you will fill their love tank and they will be more open to returning to showing you love.

I know of a couple that has the opposite love languages. She is fulfilled with words of affirmation, while he speaks through acts of service. Neither of them do not feel loved or appreciated in their marriage. Do they love each other? Yes, they lack the skills to talk and show love through the right love language.

Unconditional love, the concept seems easy enough. Love without having conditions. Stop and think about this for a second. When you love someone what do you want in return? That they love you? That they show you affection? You will love them as long as they… You fill in the blank. No, unconditional love does not work like that. You love even if you never get anything back in return. There are times in every relationship when this type of love is required. This can be when one of you is going through a challenging time or a loss. That is when you have to step in and show love without expecting anything in return.

Sacrifice and compromise illustrate trust toward your partner by showing them that you prioritize them and their feelings. This shows them that you are willing to give up what is important to you and this builds their respect towards you.

Relationships require a balance of both give and take. Sometimes your partner will require you to sacrifice something. Other times it is necessary that both of you sacrifice something for the health of your relationship. Compromising helps build resilience and adapt over time. Life is ever changing and the same is true with relationships. You just have to choose to turn towards each other rather than away.

As you mature in your relationship and a strong bond of true love is formed you will grow personally too. Real love will inspire you to be the best version of yourself and you will transform into a better person. This happens not because you feel obligated to, no, you do this from a place of overwhelming love for your partner. Love changed you for the better. I am not talking about the butterfly in your stomach love, I am talking about true love. It transforms you and raises you to a level better than you thought you could be.

When my husband and I started dating I was so in love I thought about him all the time. All the decisions that I made I made with him in mind. I guess you could almost say I was obsessed but in a good way. As we got further into the relationship my thoughts started to calm. Yes, I thought of him, it was no longer this need to spend time with him. It was a deep desire. I wanted to get to know him better and spend my future with him. The way I made decisions was from a mature standpoint. I could look at him and see not only perfection, I saw his flaws for what they are. I am sure he saw my many flaws too, I cannot talk for him.

The day we got married it was as if what we know of love was only a small part of what we know then. As I look back on the couple of years married each day my love for my husband has grown even deeper. I show him love daily, not only do I tell him, but I SHOW him with my actions. I live the characteristics of love, well I try my best. It is a continual process that will last the rest of our lives.

Life is not always easy. Sometimes we get thrown curve balls and we have to learn to handle them as a team.

A few months after we got married my husband lost his job. He is the main breadwinner in the household. I could have easily turned to him and said that I blame him for the lack of income. Instead, we worked together. I stood by him as he searched for work. From my side, I did what I could. He also never blamed me for not bringing in enough money. We know that the only way we could get through the tough times was to stand together.

I do not know what you are going through or what life is going to deal with you. I do know that you are stronger together than if you try it on your own.

The way that you can cultivate real love is to put everything into action. Remind yourself of the characteristics of love and live them out.

Communicate with each other daily. Talk with clarity and listen actively to each other.

Show empathy towards each other. This is a sign that you really care for your partner and that their feelings matter to you.

Be grateful for who they are. Not only for the things that you do and give you but also for the person that you fell in love with at the start.

To foster real love in a relationship can take hard work. Remember you do not have to be the perfect couple; work to be the best you there are. It is going to take work and practice. You will get challenges, life is not free of them. If you implement and apply the skills and characteristics of real love then you are well on your way.