Dealing with conflict in marriage requires open communication, empathy, and a willingness to compromise. Many couples will blame the lack of loving feeling in their marriage as they fell out of love. Love is an action that you have to take not a feeling. The feeling of being in love at the start of a relationship is infatuation. Studies show that infatuation only lasts 6-18 months. After that, you have to work to keep the love alive in your relationship. The real killer of relationships is the lack of tools to communicate and deal with conflict. It would be great if we could have been born with these skills, but we aren't. I had to obtain these skills myself. I am now at a place where these skills come naturally. I still have to practice them each day so that I do not fall back into my past habits. Here are some tips to help navigate conflicts.

When we have an open conversation with our loved one we share our feelings honestly. Our engagement of our needs and concerns in the relationship is imperative to the health of our marriages.

It is important to listen to one another's feelings without judgment. When you truly aim to understand your partner's perspective you get to know them on a deeper level. The goal is to let them speak without interrupting or becoming defensive. Defensiveness is either a conversation killer or a conflict starter and we want to maintain a calm environment when having a serious conversation.

We want to get to the root of how we feel about issues and we do that through having honest conversations and listening intentionally.

The way we have constructive conversations is to address the issue and not the person. An example of this is to rather point out how you feel in certain circumstances rather than blaming your partner.

"I" feel frustrated when... instead of "You" frustrated me... It is a small change; simply changing the way we fraise how we feel can help leave defense at the door. This simple change can help you to avoid a conflict situation. It is important to be open about your feelings and thus the way we express these is vital so that we don't keep quiet just to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Openness should always be a priority.

Furthermore, it is important to choose the correct time to have an open discussion. Both partners need to be in the right state of mind. A calm and focused atmosphere will lead to a calm and focused conversation. Times to postpone these serious discussions is any time when one or both of you are tired, stressed, or distracted. These times are a breeding ground for conflicts to happen.

The place is also important. You don't want to choose a public place where you could put your marriage in a bad light. Relationships are sacred and need to be treated with respect. It is also not a good idea to do this in front of people, this being family or friends. Even once you have resolved an issue and your relationship is going well again the other person/people might not know this and still keep a grudge. The exception is when you see a counselor who is there to help you through a tough spot.

Sharing your partner's opinion is not necessarily the goal, but seeing things from their point of view is. When you acknowledge their feelings and needs you show that you care for them. Empathy fosters the connection that you share. Even in challenging times displaying empathy helps to sustain a strong connection.

The way you show empathy is by truly trying to understand how your partner sees an issue. Try an put yourself in their shoes without trying to change them. This connection will build a lasting trust between you.

Two monks were walking. At a stage, they came across an old woman who wanted to cross a river. The river was deep and the current strong. The monks had to cross the river too. One of them decided to carry the old woman to the other side. Once they crossed the river the monk gently put the old woman down and they carried on their way. After a while the other monk decided to confront the one who helped the woman.

"How could you have helped the lady? You know we aren't supposed to touch a woman."

"You are the one that is still carrying her in your mind. I put her down at the river."

Similarly, when we have an issue with our partners we must not carry around past hurts. It doesn't do anyone any good. Rather, we need to focus on finding a solution. Find a common ground that will work for both of you. Brainstorm ideas that will work for both of you. This can consist of compromises that can be taken in the future. Compromising in a marriage is a beautiful thing when both of you participate. When we compromise we don't give up everything; we find a middle ground. You don't want to give up everything that makes you, you. At the same time, you don't want your partner to give up everything that has made them, them. It is important to have a balance when it comes to compromising in your relationship.

There are times when conversations can get heated and it is easy to get into a conflict situation; emotions that go flying off the walls. The best solution is to take a break and revisit the discussion later.

I am a person who dislikes it when there is any tension in the house. If I could get my way I would sort things out there and then. Yet, I am also a thinker and I take time to process. I do not have all the answers or responses immediately. This is why taking a break can be helpful for me, to process what has been said. My husband on the other hand can think on his feet and has a response on his fingertips. In his case, he can easily say things that can be hurtful. He does not mean it, it is his frustration that speaks.

Take the appropriate time to calm the emotions and come back to each other. In my house, we have agreed that my husband will come back to me when he is ready. No, matter who was wrong. This is what works for us, you have to find what works for you. You are not to leave the issue and forget about it. That is when you carry around the 'woman' of past hurts in your mind.

Some relationships have gone down a dark tunnel and the couples cannot see how to get out. In these situations, it is wise to seek help. Marriage counseling can provide you with a safe space to talk through your problems.

What if your partner is unwilling to seek professional help? There are tools that you can use without your partner even knowing about them. This can be a program that you follow or books that have steps in them. Marriage is important and you want to handle it with care.

Remember, conflicts are a natural part of any marriage. It's how you handle them that can either strengthen or weaken your bond as a couple. We don't want to get rid of them completely, we want to learn how to deal with them. You need to develop the skills it takes to handle conflicts healthily and constructively. I was not always at a place where I knew how to handle conflict. I grew up where conflicts were avoided. Now, that I am married I had to find my way. I now know the importance of having open conversations and how to show empathy towards my husband. Most importantly I implement these things in my life.